your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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