Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize