It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
