I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
