It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
