So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
