New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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