he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
