i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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