just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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