My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize