you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize