DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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