i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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