my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He felt like a one man threesome
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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