I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
