I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
