i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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