he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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