I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
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i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
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