Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
