Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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