you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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