Someone shit on the floor
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
