goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
