Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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