i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
