this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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