Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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