Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
