Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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