im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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