why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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