i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
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