i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
