Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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