eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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