im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one