tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"