My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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