I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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