I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
