my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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