Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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