Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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