He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
