I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
