I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
