Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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