I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
In America we eat man semen.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize