so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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